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Monarch’s Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse

The reliable guide on how you will survive a Zombie Apocalypse

Flora Mai, Staff Reporter

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What to put in the survival kit a.k.a. backpack:

  1. A pocket knife or just anything sharp like scissors, nail files, pens.  If sharp enough, you can defend yourself against former loved ones and bullies …even if they aren’t zombies
  2. Food, preferably something that you can eat over a long time  and that also stays edible for a long time–something like candy.
  3. A first aid kid  some bandaids, hydrogen peroxide, and maybe some bandages  just so you don’t immediately bleed to death.
  4. Toilet paper–it’s multifunctional–let your imagination go wild
  5. A lighter,  matches or fireworks–or just funny things that you can light on fire and throw into a horde of zombies.
  6. WATER–without it you’re dead anyway
  7. A book or some video games.. just so you can game between being chased by zombies and/or chasing zombies.
  8. A compass: not the math thing for the circles a real one like legit to see the four directions–I mean if only if you do not want to get lost
  9. Some batteries: for just anything that’s electronic and is old enough to not always  need an outlet
  10. SURVIVORS it’s better to work in a group and have more hands to fight. Just make sure you’re faster than them– you don’t have to be faster than the zombies–just faster than the slowest in the group.
  11. A needle kit to fix your clothes–I mean come on be a man  you’re out fighting the undead you don’t have to look perfect.
  12. And of course a flame thrower, just because… It’s a FLAMETHROWER who wouldn’t want to burn these–things–to crispy little piles?!
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Monarch’s Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse